


how many licks does it take to get to your center

by itachitachi



Series: Summer Pornathon '09 [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Character Turned Into Ice Cream, Dark Crack, Does This Count as Cannibalism, I Don't Even Know, Licking, M/M, Manip, Oops, Possible Character Death, Team Gluttony, Unexpectedly Horrifying??, Well That Took a Dark Turn, it's been five years and I STILL don't know, this was an accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:39:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2239233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itachitachi/pseuds/itachitachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's hot in Camelot, and Merlin has poor impulse control (not to mention magic control) at the best of times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how many licks does it take to get to your center

**Author's Note:**

> One of the lost entries from Pthon 2009 week 8: Darkfic. I'm sorry?

"You look good enough to lick," Merlin said before realizing that he was talking.

Arthur smirked.

Merlin cursed himself.

"I had no idea you felt that way about me, Merlin," Arthur began, tossing his shirt to the floor and putting his hands on his hips. The display of unabashed and undisguised arrogance was, of course, an incredible turn-off for Merlin.

A turn-off.

A turn- _off_. No, not—urk. Merlin gritted his teeth and wished his netherparts conferred with his brain more often. After all, Arthur wasn't much more than a big, brainless ball of muscles, and that wasn't at all what Merlin was looking for in a life partner. Merlin wanted someone considerate and kind, capable. Someone with a strong sense of ethics, and strong arms. And a rather lot of chest hair. And—wait—what?

"Stop thinking, Merlin, you're making my brain hurt just looking at you," Arthur said, flicking a bead of sweat from where it was running down his abdomen. "Come give me a massage, I have cramps from working in the heat. I'm very sore."

"Sore," Merlin repeated.

"Yes," said Arthur. "Very sore."

"Right," said Merlin. "Erm, you ought to turn around then. And lie down. On your stomach. And I'll just get over you and—"

"You don't have to instruct me, I know how it works," said Arthur, looking ever so amused as he stretched out on the bed.

"Yes," said Merlin, wiping his clammy hands on his trousers as he stared at the glistening sheen of sweat in the dip of Arthur's lower back. "Well. Erm, Arthur?"

"Yes, Merlin?" Arthur asked, muffled in the pillow of his arms.

"Can I tell you something? Fast?"

"If you must."

"I must."

"Go ahead, then."

"I was telling the truth," Merlin said, swallowing. "You—well. You _do_ look good enough to lick. Erm."

Arthur's head tilted and his grin peeked out from behind his biceps. "If this is your way of telling me you'd like to give me the massage with your tongue, of course I'd be willing to indulge—"

"No, Arthur," Merlin said, red-faced, "I mean, it's a little more serious than that. I—um. "

"What—" said Arthur.

_POOF._

"...WHAT," said Arthur.

"I told you!" Merlin said, frantic. He held Arthur up between his fingers. "You just—when you were dripping like that, I just—I couldn't help—"

"You _couldn't help?_ " Arthur screeched. "No, you bloody well couldn't! Look what you've done! You've turned me into a—what the hell _am_ I?!"

"I think you're one of those, erm, icy cream sort of treats," Merlin said, wincing.

"You've turned me into a dessert!" Arthur wailed. "I'm the crown prince of Camelot, and you've bloody turned me into a— _where are you looking_ , you little—"

"Uh," Merlin said, eyes snapping the few inches up to Arthur's face. "It's just—you've got this, erm, bead of sweat. Right by your hip. Kind of far down your hip. Close to—"

"Don't even _think_ about licking me, you disgraceful _excuse_ for a sorcerer," Arthur snarled.

Merlin hesitated, then licked him anyway.

"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE," said Arthur. "You've—My six pack is completely gone! YOU'VE RUINED ME."

"You're fine!" insisted Merlin, wiping the chocolate from the corner of his mouth.

"I should have beheaded you when I had the chance," hissed Arthur.

"Arthur..."

"You—MY HAND," Arthur shrieked.

"You're," Merlin said, "You're dripping?"

"I'M MELTING," said Arthur. "DO SOMETHING, YOU IDIOT!"

Merlin licked up the drip before it could get all over his wrist.

"You _cannibal_ ," Arthur gasped, horrified. "You're an evil sorcerer after all! You're trying to kill me!"

"No I—" said Merlin, "I'll get you to the icehouse! I swear!"

"Hurry!" said Arthur.

 

Of course, Merlin had no idea where the icehouse was.

"Merlin," Arthur said a half hour later, as his face began dripping. "I just wanted to say... you are the stupidest person I've ever met in my life."

"I'll find some way to fix this," Merlin insisted, licking another smear from his hand.

"It's too late," Arthur said. "I don't even look like myself anymore, do I?"

Merlin couldn't quite meet Arthur's eyes—unfortunate melted blobs that they were. "Arthur..."

"I never expected to go like this," said Arthur. "It's not so bad, I guess. Painless."

" _Arthur_ ," said Merlin.

"I guess..." said Arthur, "I guess I don't mind if it's you."

"No," Merlin said. "Don't..."

"It's okay," Arthur sighed. "A few licks is all it'll take."

"I can't!" said Merlin. "Arthur, I—"

" _Merlin_ ," Arthur told him. "It's fine."

"I'll _fix_ this," said Merlin. "I'll fix you. I swear I will. It's not meant to end this way."

"Maybe it's not," said Arthur, voice going faint. "At least let me melt in your mouth? Not in your hand."

 

Arthur was two bites, and one swallow.

Merlin looked down at his sticky, messy hands afterward, and couldn't quite bear to lick them clean.


End file.
